Saturday, June 14, 2008

EVERYONE is entitled to their opinion

Years ago, after university and working my first job, I was living hand to mouth. Those terrible days of negotiating with the landlord, getting consolidation loans, driving a crappy car, waiting for my tax refund like it was some kind of gift, doing without clothes and events I was sure I needed.

In all those years, I never remember being resentful of those around me who were succeeding.

Indeed, they were doing exactly what I wanted to do: succeeding and providing for their family the way I was hoping and working toward doing in the future.

Listening to them about their lives, I never considered it bragging. It was simply fact. A fact that made me want to work my butt off to attain for myself. Their success never took away from my potential for success. Their success really had nothing to do with me at all.

I was always happy for my friends. Happy is not the word I'd use for those who were not my cup of tea, but hey, they proved to me that what I needed was attainable. Even Bimbos and Jerks were entitled to great things if they were willing to work hard for it. Right?

Everyone has their own definition of success.

Clearly my post - my vent about children being hurt by their mother's attitudes toward their simply being around - hit a nerve. Turns out that just about everyone is focusing on the fact I send my kids to camp. That I can afford to do so. Yes. But you miss the point.

Or, maybe I miss the point.

Maybe the point was that my fact-filled vent went far too much into my light and fun filled summer plans - designed by my family for my family - and not enough about children being treated like an imposition, a bother, a nuisance.

I've not been defensive because everyone - EVERYONE is entitled to their opinion. There does come a time that the downward spiral is so out of control that no matter how much effort is expended the point is lost.

That's where it is. Lost.

I'm still sad for the children. Thanks to those who "got" what I was saying and were not distracted by the parts of the post that really do not matter.



Note: Yes, everyone is entitled to their opinion. As I've said in the past, I'm happy to post comments. Even hurtful comments designed to be mean. The only criteria: you have own it, own your words. You have to sign your name.

5 comments:

Martha said...

I got it..
And I get this one too...

But what I'm really curious about is, how do you know so much about my two neighbors? The one who wishes away her children's childhood and the one who finds it hard to be happy for anyone whose wallet might be a bit plumper than hers?

As always...I love "hearing" your view...

Dana said...

Clearly my post - my vent about children being hurt by their mother's attitudes toward their simply being around - hit a nerve. Turns out that just about everyone is focusing on the fact I send my kids to camp. That I can afford to do so. Yes. But you miss the point.

Yes you missed the point. People aren't resentful because you can afford to do things. People aren't resentful at all.

You are braggy and judgmental when people have their own vents. Kids are joys but they, just like friends, husbands and family, can get on your nerves.

And just as you are entitled to your opinion others are as well. And furthering the drama here and not directly to those you offended is only going to light a bigger fire.

wholarmor said...

No, I think you missed the point that you are bragging about how great it is to spend time with your kids- when in fact, the majority of the time, they are being shipped to camps and activities. And also that you don't seem to spend much time with them during the school year.

I do get where you are coming from in a way. I'm a SAHM who will be homeschooling, and I will be enjoying the time that I have with them each and every day. There might be times where I would like to pull my hair out, and I'm sure that I'll have some imperfect mommy moment where I lose my temper at them. I don't think they'll be scarred for life, though. And I will also be enjoying the time I have away from them-going on retreats, scrapbooking with friends, etc.

It's just that your post had a real pompous flair to it- that is what "hit a nerve." The "holier than thou" attitude when you clearly haven't removed the plank from your own eye.

wholarmor said...

BTW, you have a lovely family, and I can tell that you are really proud of them and love them very much. I just think that you overstepped your bounds here. You really wouldn't like it if I told you that you were a terrible mom for working all the time during the school year instead of home schooling and wanting to be with your kids all the time!

Midnite Scrapper said...

Lee~ I get you. I know what you mean and I know how you feel about your kids. I too am looking forward to spending time with my kids this summer - and I homeschool! LOL I love that you always put your heart out there - even to risk hearing those that do not agree with you. Honest. I love that about you.