A forward? Caden?

The boy in the blue helmet is Caden. He's a member of the forward line today. Forward? Really? Caden is a defenceman and we have him taking private lessons to be a defenceman and our coach is fully aware of this fact; he did not advise us of any change; and Caden looked ridiculous on the ice - only because he kept heading back to be a defenceman only to be yelled at by the same coach who moved him to a position with no preparation whatsoever.

Some days you have to wonder.

The best part of the game was that because Caden is not a good forward, he was not kept on the ice 11 minutes out of 15 in the final period. Yes, one of our boys was kept on that long. Not all at one time, but Caden received his two shifts, others had more, one had less, and one had ELEVEN MINUTES which is equal to about TEN SHIFTS. This is house league. We all pay the same money. Our kids all get the same time on the ice. When asked about it after the game, by a very angry convener (Louis), the coach looked at him and exclaimed "well, how was I supposed to know?"

Um, really?

You're supposed to know because you're the head coach.

What a dumb ass.

April cannot come fast enough.

Vent: It's not looking good

I am finding that the older I get the more symptoms I display each month. I can liken it to what I imagine would be an out-of-body experience. I can hear myself, see myself but cannot stop myself. On a good day I have very little opinion-filter but on a PMS day, look out, it's like feeding me truth serum, with a bit of bitchy thrown in for good measure.

Little things which would not normally bother me set me off completely. Today?

1. I don't like being jarred awake by the alarm clock while it's still dark either, and I'm a morning person! But don't make me get up early to get you up for school and the either crab at me that you're tired (after staying up past 11PM) or go back to sleep. I am tired of having to wake everyone in this house over and over again every morning. Seriously, every stinking morning. Yes, they all have alarm clocks. Yes, they have all experienced me not waking them up and being late for school. But that also required four separate trips to two separate schools. So who was punished exactly?

2. I don't like going to American Crafts and Heidi Swapp to find out that, yet again, they do not ship to Canada. Are you serious? I can't get my thickers (love them) or ghost letters (the coloured ones) here or my other regular they will ship to Canada outlets. I need to get them from the source and I can't. And, thanks for telling me, at check-out. There's a half-hour I'll never get back. Grr.

3. I don't like a sick husband. He's is the midst of his annual miserable cold and for at least three weeks now he is more crabby, sucky, mopey then he ever was when he had Cancer 10 years ago! No, honey, I don't know when you'll be feeling better. No I cannot answer your medical questions. Why can't he just go to the doctor and stop giving me minute by minute updates on how sick he is. Ugh.

4. And to the idiot in the jalopy who backed out of the gas station into traffic then proceeded to drive under the speed limit .... and to the guy in the half ton truck behind me who rode my bumper ... learn how to drive for goodness sake. Both of you. You're menaces!

I'd better stop there. Though it is just the first few I could think of, my brain is screaming with more. Thanks for letting me vent. It's far safer to do it here :) Well, safer for my family!

I do hope everyone has a lovely day. I've printed off a bunch of photos and hope to catch up on all of my lovely CZ assignments. Week 3 started yesterday. We're learning about repetition. We're learning about repetition. (Funny, eh?) I should be good at it since I often have to do things more than once!

Finally, a Dr. Phil alternative

To my kids she's the mum from the "Cheaper By The Dozen" movies. To me she is a brilliant comedic writer and very smart lady. She has a new talk show and I managed to catch it, on time shift, yesterday afternoon.

Most evenings, I'm making dinner and preparing for our evening between 5 and 6 when "Dr. Phil" is on. I've found that the content of his show is no longer "family friendly" and don't want the kids to catch any of it. The other channels have some pretty blah stuff, and one of them has "One and a Half Men" in syndication - talk about inappropriate - remember, my kids are just 8, 9, 11 and 12.

So, I decided to "time shift". Lo and behold, in Winnipeg, they are showing "The Bonnie Hunt Show" at 5PM my time. YAY. I don't know when it started but I'll definitely tune in when I can. What a great line-up today. Check out her website: The Bonnie Hunt Show. Loved her bit with Bill Nye and with the guys who sailed in a reclaimed plastic bottle boat. A lot of great content but you don't feel rushed or ripped-off. Know what I mean? Looking forward to future shows.

Love it. Which is, of course, the kiss of death. Every show I really enjoy gets canceled!

The difference between a hockey MOM and a pitbull?

All different tones and colours in lipstick; just as there are with hockey MOMS.

I am the "president" of the local hockey mom organization. Three years ago I was having a conversation with the very angry want-to-leave-president unable to locate a replacement. I did what I do: raised my hand.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Why?

The reason for the quotation marks above is simply because I was never actually the "president". I was listed as such on the website and when I was being yelled at by the MOHA office - it was so much fun being called "disgusting" by office staff - but the reality is that I was the person who raised her hand. The Person Who Raised Her Hand is clearly too long a title. The reality was that those who supposedly left continued to run things behind the scenes with the help of those who remained.

Between being undermined, lied to, stolen from (the organization, not me personally) it has been a roller coaster few years. For the first couple of years it was overwhelming. Truly exhausting. That people measure their importance by their level of manipulation, breaking of rules (clearly designed for everyone else) and through the activities of their children has always baffled me.

I decided to do what I do best and go for the big picture. I knew I had to consolidate activities and resources and prepare for the future of an organization quickly going broke. The MOMS group is populated by many over-extended volunteers who needed to be informed and included, so meetings and face-to-face opportunities had to be re-introduced. Not only that, but our MOMS group is associated with an organization who held us in contempt and viewed us as competition in some way. It takes a lot of people to manage minor hockey. Everyone should be welcomed and respected. This was not the case.

Our volunteers are fantastic. There are a small handful, as there is in any organization, of energetic, positive, hard-working women who volunteer for the right reasons for whom I am tremendously thankful. They are blissfully ignorant of all manipulations and come and do the work as it has to be done.

We were no longer able to fund the $15,000+ Awards Week. The original reason for the creation of the MOMS. We had no income. No means. Fortunately, the former executive at MOHA realized that this could no longer happen and our annual championship week was handed over to their capable machine.

To be clear, we were no longer able to fund anything the MOMS usually managed to cover the bill for: sponsorship of house league teams (boy did that ever make some people angry); banners for the REP champions (it didn't stop the bill from coming or being paid - wonder who authorized that?); and many other various big and little events and costs incurred over the years.

Why were we going broke? Our means for income was greatly affected when the Bingo money was taken away; no one wanted to volunteer to run our annual Dinner Dance (otherwise known as spend-the-evening-
yapping-to-the-REP-coaches-how-fantastic-little-Johnny-
is-and-how-it-would-be-stupid-not-to-have-him-on-the-
team-next-year) because no one wanted to attend the annual event; no one wanted to buy MOHA-logo trinkets in rinks because they were over priced; we were forced to keep going back to the same well (rinks) as a means of income rather than to the larger population as we are not a part of MOHA and therefore not insured properly and the cost (remember, we're broke) was incredible; traditional bake sales are out because the health department now has to inspect every kitchen - I could have a bake sale in my home but not in a public, town owned/run facility. Road blocks. Every turn.

Personally, I am exhausted. The mean-spirited, unkind behaviour of self-important liars and martyrs has worn me down. My spirit is completely depleted. I keep trying to re-energise and re-start, but I do so with the looming fear that someone, somewhere is waiting to tear down my efforts. Though I do continue to plug along. I have let the website lapse as no one was willing to do it and I was no longer willing to personally fund it and pay the person who understood how to make it work. I've started a blog - it's free - in order to pass along information. If you have something to add, or need a question answered you can send me an e-mail or check out the MOMS blog. CONTRIBUTORS REQUIRED!

What keeps me going? It is still important to have TEAM MOM participation. Organizing roster cards, drink lists, team parties, dry land training, out of town tournaments, kleenex on the bench and one person on the team who just thinks those players are great - even if they blew the pass or missed an assignment. For years we heard complaints from the MOHA office that giving us e-mails for coaches and players was "too much work" for those paid in the office to actually do work as opposed to those of us who volunteer our time. I wonder if we would be as difficult to manage if we were paid?

This weekend is our annual Skate & Equipment Sale. One of the few activities the MOMS are able to afford. We, Louis and I, host the sale at Frozen Ropes. Why do we host it, other than it being the right thing to do? It is self-serving as it brings people into our baseball facility who may not have ever come inside before AND unlike the town, we do not charge the organization a fee. It's a community service.

I'm still doing my best to dwell in the positive, but every once in a while it becomes more than a little overwhelming. The one season my son is over-the-moon-happy about is the season I've come to dread the most.

Anyone looking to be the new President of the MOMS? No quotations. I'll give you the whole thing, with a big bow!

Graffiti Girl

In case you were under the mistaken impression that I am raising four angels, let me clarify that this house is not all hearts and stars, flowers and sunshine:

Chloé , while Claire was in Ottawa, snuck into her big sister's room and defaced all of her posters. You know, those terrible magazine inserts of the Jonas Brothers and other various heart throbs. She used red marker and did quite a job on them. This on top of her inability to brush her hair, wear clean clothes, tidy her room and treat her siblings with respect has resulted in her being pulled out of the Sound of Music production. I'm also thinking of cutting her hair short ... again, which would be a shame since her hair is so thick and beautiful.

While I'm at it ...

Claire spent the entire day yesterday, her first full day home, in her room. What was she doing up there? Well, I know she slept for a huge number of hours, but the rest of the time she was on MSN messenger. It took me a while to realize she had herself set to "appear offline" which is a function soon to be disabled! I'm sad because I haven't yet spoken to her about her trip. I guess we've just come to the point where catching up with her friends is more important than catching up with her mother.

Cole is becoming moodier by the minute! He spends much of his time with a far away look on his face and when he is addressed he snaps "what?" to anyone inquiring as to what he wants for dinner, what he wants to do, where he wants to go, etc. Cole is moody by nature. Becoming moodier, for Cole and everyone around him, is not a good thing.

Caden continues to be easily found because he leaves a trail of clothes, papers, wrappers and other ephemera wherever he goes. Oh, and he has not completed one of his books purchased for him to read this summer, even after plenty of prodding and reminding. Instead, he lies and says it's done. So, we've determined that his reading and writing exercises have not been finished and he's going to have a full couple of weeks coming up.

Don't get me started about the condition of their rooms, whether or not the dishwasher has been emptied and/or filled, the hockey sticks and bikes lying in the driveway or whether or not hockey equipment has been put on their trees!

It is completely exhausting.

I tend to dwell in the land of positive. It does not mean that I don't recognize that there are shortcomings, I'd just rather train my focus on what is good as opposed to what is bad. There really is no bad, just things that need to be addressed, tweaked and put on another path. We have one simple rule in this house: treat people the way you want them to treat you. I get more than a little frustrated when that balance is missing.

Have I mentioned that this parenting gig is exhausting?

I did sign up for it. No one forced me to have four kids in five years!! It's just every once in a while they seem to gang up on me and behave badly all at one time. Though, the alternative of spreading it out isn't too terribly appealing either.

So, there is a bit of perspective of life here in my world, at this moment.

As this adventure continues, no doubt things will change in another moment!

In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the next half hour sitting here catching up on the Olympics and have another cup of coffee. Have a great day!

My life is (now) an open book ...

I spend a lot of time on the internet. Blogging, researching, googling, posting, and not enough reading.

Maybe those who read rather than post are the smart ones. If you don't participate you don't have an opinion. If you don't have an opinion then you are not a target. If you're not a target you don't go through a hellish couple of months for which you and your family (particularly husband) will continue to suffer residual effects.

Recently I fell into a trap: I responded to a lot of welcoming and kind people. When met with kindness, I do what I do: get involved, support (be it with words or funds), participate, engage. I have met some tremendously lovely women: by far the majority of the people I know. I have also met a handful of petty, jealous, spiteful, manipulative, hateful, ego-maniacal bitches.

Am I a bitch? Yup. I have my moments. Not 24/7 but I'm sure part of each day, maybe part of each each hour of each day I am a bitch. I own it.

I have been upbeat, encouraging, honest, kind, supportive, engaging, open and occasionally frustrated and confrontational here on the world wide web.


Lets be clear: I own every word I say. I do not own every word you are told I've said.


A couple of months ago, I had my hand slapped for not playing nice with people who outed themselves for their own poor behaviour. I made a deal that I would censor my own posts on my own blog so that people on a message board would not get their knickers in a knot because they called themselves out on their own bullshit which occurred not on the message board, but IN MY LIFE.

I made this deal with someone who doesn't even read this blog! Absurd. Ignorant.

The deal is done. I can no longer hold up my end of the bargain. It is like telling a person who smokes that they can't have a cigarette. What does the smoker do? They think about it. All.the.time. It becomes all-encompassing.

I am so upset with myself for thinking that things would get better, get easier, go away. Then I learned about the "We Hate Lee Club" recruitment campaign. That coupled with learning that this was a one-way deal: that I had to be censored but no one else had to be. Life is not fair. But this deal was completely wrong from it's inception.

I will not be censored.

WARNING: VENT Officially Closed

It's officially over. The Oakville Scrapbook Clubs are closed.

I started them a couple of years ago in an effort to get more people into scrapbooking - meet a need, maybe sell some product and provide a fun and entertaining place to share ideas and maybe eat some yummy food. They were events I so looked forward to going to socialize and have fun and meet new people.

A month ago, I got notification that the account had run out and did I want to sign up again. I thought about it, but just couldn't find the strength or creativity to do it all over again.

Every time I think about it, I become sad and angry all at once.

I met some lovely women through the group. Some of them still join me to crop here at the new house and I really enjoy those times.

I also met one of the most vile creatures I've ever run across in my life. Truly self-absorbed and unkind. Never ending opinions on every topic under the sun. She or her husband was an expert at everything. Yes, she spoke on his behalf on a regular basis because somehow by being married makes you qualified to do his job and live his life experiences as though they were your own. Nothing was ever enough. It was too hot, too cold, didn't like the music, didn't like the snacks, liked the snacks last time why didn't I buy them again, didn't like the wine, wanted a beer, didn't shut up - didn't shut up for one stinking minute for two years. To the point where I would get a call "is she coming? If so, count me out." So, even after repeated hints, which eventually became full out comments - no one came back because of one woman devoid of the social wherewithal to realize that in order to have a conversation it requires more than one person.

I shut it down. There was no way that I was going to be stuck in the room by myself any more with that creature. My spirit was crushed.

I'm sad. It's officially closed. The groups have not been functioning for a few months, but knowing that the account has been officially closed leaves me empty. It could have been amazing.

I shall endeavour to make lemonade, but right now I'm just sitting in the lemons.

Miss my baby (car)!

The car was finally collected by the tow truck and taken to the dealership to have a new driver side window installed.

What a pain in the patootie!

I've been without a vehicle for five days. I feel trapped in my house. Which is not a bad thing. I like my house, but I hate the idea that I can't leave.

What a logistical nightmare this has been.

No ETA on it's return. This could be a long week.

Open Letter: To the guy who broke into my car …

You know, all you had to do was ask and I’d have been happy to give you the GPS, iPod and change.

After all, the whole novice girl hockey team and parents were simply sitting in the hotel lobby commiserating over:

*the earlier loss which kept us out of the championship so we soothed their wounds by promising them a swim in the hotel pool;

*the draining of the pool since some kid had puked in it earlier;

*the reluctance of the hotel to provide us with a “party room” so the girls could have a “confined” area and we could order in our Swiss Chalet take out in peace.

You could have just popped in, said to both Cole (clarification: assistant coach – not son) and me that you wanted our GPS (and other things) without smashing the driver side window of his Yukon and my convertible.

What is the GPS worth anyway? $400 brand new? Maybe? What will it really get you? $50?

I’m not upset that Gabby is gone. She can be replaced. The iPod? No doubt Claire wanted a newer flashier one anyway. The $20 in Tim Horton coffee change is gone but who cares? The window can be replaced. It’s just so flipping inconvenient. But hey, what was I planning on doing all of Monday anyway?

My daughter, Chloé, on the other hand was terrified that you were still out there and were going to hurt us. So much so that crocodile tears were shed and she was shaking in fear. So much so that at midnight, my husband drove in with the truck so that we could come home. That way everyone would feel safe. He was practically frozen driving my convertible home with no driver window at highway speeds.

So, to the guy who broke into my car: thank you for confirming that in my life there is never a dull moment.

Not good enough ...

that's what we're teaching our kids: boys and girls. Go to this website iwanexstudio and go to the portfolios. Click on a photo. Now run your mouse over the photo and you'll see the 'before' photo and the move the mouse off the photo and you will see the re-touched photo. THIS is what our kids are trying to live up to ... hell, this is what some of my peers (the 40+ crowd) are trying to live up to ... what is wrong with THIS picture? We're setting up our children to feel inadequate.

Vent over ... but issue is not ...

"Anonymous" is a cop-out

Welcome to my blog. Comments are welcome, even encouraged! Especially challenging or constructive ones!

Entering negative "anonymous" comments is a cop-out. The sign of a true coward.

All negative "anonymous" comments will be removed immediately upon posting.

If you have an issue, leave your name.

The arrogance of being late

Yet again I had to wait for my husband. Something else was more important than his arriving in a reasonable amount of time to bring me my keys (he mistakenly took to work) so that I can leave the house and take the kids to their activities today. A 10-minute drive took him over 45 minutes. He wonders why I'm angry, I wonder why he's late. He tells ME to "get over yourself". I wonder at his arrogance.

On one of those rare occasions that I'm sitting still at 5PM, a few weeks back, I clicked onto the "Dr. Phil" show. The topic was about those who are chronically late. Apparently studies have shown that it is due to one thing: arrogance.

This is the article from his website: www.drphil.com:

Always Late? Procrastinate?

Some people are never on time, while others are constantly putting things off. Dr. Phil offers the following advice.

What is your payoff? Ask yourself why you are late and/or why you put things off. What is your payoff for the behavior? You wouldn't continue unless you were getting some reward for it. Be encouraged that this behavior can change overnight. Know that you are being tardy or procrastinating because you can, and there is some sort of payoff.

Examine your mental process. If you know that it takes 45 minutes to get ready and arrive at a destination, ask yourself why you would spend 30 minutes doing something else and then try to get ready and get to your destination in 15 minutes. How do you justify the behavior? You're not late at 11:00. If you have to be somewhere at 11:00 and it takes 30 minutes to get there, you're late at 10:30 if you're still at home.

Get real about your tardiness. If you are always late, yet you tell yourself and others that you try to be on time, get real. You can't always be late unless you work at it. You would be on time just by accident occasionally!

Stop using your behavior to control situations. Understand that procrastination or being late is a way of manipulating and controlling a situation at the expense of others. When everything is about you because everyone has to wait on you, you are unfairly controlling the situation while assuming that others should and will wait on you. It's an arrogant behavior.

Make priorities. When running late, don't think that you're so important to what you are doing that you can't move on to the next thing. If talking to your neighbor is making you late for work, realize they aren't going to curl up and die if you say, "Excuse me, I have to go to work."

Add negative consequences to your behavior. When there aren't enough negative consequences to the behavior, you continue it. To change this behavior, cost yourself something of value every time you are late and/or procrastinate. This will discourage you from continuing the behavior. The penalty needs to be something that is disturbing to you. For example, if taking a daily shower is very important to you, you can decide that you won't allow yourself to take one when you are late and/or procrastinate. Or, don't allow yourself to brush your hair or put on makeup the next time you go to work if you're not on time.

And no, to those wondering, I am not late. I might be critisized for being early on occasion but even with my two jobs, four kids, multiple commitments, I am not late. Unless I'm with my husband: then, inevitably, I'm late - but I call!

No gas ...

I woke up to an absurd interview on CTV this morning. Some yahoo in Calgary was saying to the interviewer that the media was the cause of the rising panic over having no gas in Ontario. What? No buddy, the panic is caused by us HAVING NO GAS IN ONTARIO. (Shaking head: What a moron!) Earlier this week there was a fire at one of the large refineries; that coupled with a railway strike results in no fuel. Yesterday, I waited 20 minutes with at least 20 cars in front of me for the privilege of paying $0.97/L to fill up my little Toyota. When I went in to pay, I was told by the attendant that he had 5 minutes of fuel left then he’d have to shut down. He didn’t expect to receive more gas until next Wednesday. CRAZY.