Sunday, August 3, 2008

I'm a failure ... an Edsel

And happy about it!

As is my habit, I watch CBS Sunday Morning.

I'm so glad I did. As much as I am a believer that you cannot feel badly about yourself without your consent, encouragement even, I do believe that there are few who revel in attacking the spirit of others and when they run out of ammunition, they simply make it up.

How did I fail, this time? I didn't bail early enough. I stuck around a full four, maybe six months longer than I should have. I put myself in the position of being vilified by those who don't know me, don't wish to know me because they are happy to simply make it up - to create their own drama because with me not participating I cannot, by definition, be the cause of any drama.

After all, I was directed not to defend myself. While I was placed in a straight-jacket, pegged as a character in her virtual play, only to be viewed in the light she cast. I was to be whipped and attacked by all manner of e-mail, rumour, IM, text message, message board and phone call with no outlet for it. By taking away my ability to retaliate, to explain, to defend; power was given to those who most wanted me gone.

I've failed many times - in my relationships, in my career, in my choices - I have learned from each failure and have become a better person: wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend for it.

I am, indeed, a failure.

I am, indeed, an Edsel.

I am, indeed, gone.

I am, indeed, happy. Thanks for asking.

Why is this entry so "late" in coming? It is simply because in the last few days I've been inundated with e-mails and phone calls from those, the majority, the outer circle, who are concerned and/or curious about my absence. Even more interesting, the group I haven't heard from. This may provide some explanation. Thanks for the patience of those who have been anxiously reading the blog looking for some insight - hopefully you have received what you need.


Lily said...

I'm not quite sure what you are talking about but i do admire your courage.

Beth said...

Lee, I have no idea what this is all about, but I'm glad you're growing through it. Sometimes the hardest decisions end up being the best decisions we've ever made. Once you catch your breath you look back and realize you actually CAN breathe again. You know how to find me if you want to chat. Love ya.

CloverGirl said...

I'm proud to call you my friend even if you're a failure. LOL!!

I don't know all the details either, and I don't have to. Just know that I think you're a wonderful person, and I admire your character. Remember your "one word" post? When I think of you, one of the things I like most is that you're authentic.

Have a great week. Miss you!!

Sue said...

Dang, am I out of the loop AGAIN???

Summertime is really getting in the way of keeping up with gossip...LOL

Cyn M said...

You chick! Just keep being TRUE to YOU! That is all that matters! Be the REAL and AUTHENTIC Lee that I know and love!!! That is really all that matters to the people that love ya!

Jacy/Julie said...

Not been around the board myself, don't even know if it's related to it or not. But....Know that I adore you!! And I hope things look brighter ahead for you :) I certianly don't know what in the world you think you've failed at, heck we all just do the best we can! ((HUG))

Maryalice said...

Well, I'm not sure who/how you got straight-jacketed but I recently noticed you haven't been on the board much so I assume you're referencing that. You sound happy with your decision. That is a good thing. I hope wherever you're hanging out you feel welcome and appreciated.