I flaked

As most of you get, if nothing, else I am two things:

1. busy
2. control freak

which is not always a good combination. Add those two character traits with my inability to say "no" and what Louis calls, my status of "serial volunteer", I tend to get myself a bit overwhelmed. I always grind through it. I do not complain. I am far more about just getting it done and say no next time! You guessed it, I don't say no.

Yesterday morning, I sat down and made a few lists. Yes, I'm a list person. It started as a free-flowing list of all the things I'm committed to and those things I'd like to do. I believe that you have to do those things you commit to before you do those things you like to do. You can only reap reward once the work is done, right?

As a result, I have a pretty focused inventory of what has to get done: short term, long term; work, fun; kids, house. Donna, this is a good thing! I recognized exactly what has to go: four things. No, not my kids, though that would dramatically reduce my commitment list!

Of those four things, I am most sad that I am flaking on the elementary school yearbook. I was so looking forward to this project. My parent partner, Craig, is a real go-getter and I know the yearbook is in very capable hands, but I feel terrible letting him and the school down.

Lately, I have stretched myself so thin that I feel I am not giving enough to anything, so I am not feeling anything but stress and lack of achievement. I feel like I'm paralyzed in place and providing mediocre effort on everything. I do not like mediocracy! I, long ago, let go of the idea of perfect; but, I have never let go of the idea of excellence.

I'm tired of feeling that way, so some stuff had to go.

I flaked.

I feel like crap right now, but I think I'll feel better as time goes on.

Onward.