Monday, February 2, 2009

I flaked

As most of you get, if nothing, else I am two things:
  1. busy
  2. control freak
which is not always a good combination. Add those two character traits with my inability to say "no" and what Louis calls, my status of "serial volunteer", I tend to get myself a bit overwhelmed. I always grind through it. I do not complain. I am far more about just getting it done and say no next time! You guessed it, I don't say no.

Yesterday morning, I sat down and made a few lists. Yes, I'm a list person. It started as a free-flowing list of all the things I'm committed to and those things I'd like to do. I believe that you have to do those things you commit to before you do those things you like to do. You can only reap reward once the work is done, right?

As a result, I have a pretty focused inventory of what has to get done: short term, long term; work, fun; kids, house. Donna, this is a good thing! I recognized exactly what has to go: four things. No, not my kids, though that would dramatically reduce my commitment list!

Of those four things, I am most sad that I am flaking on the elementary school yearbook. I was so looking forward to this project. My parent partner, Craig, is a real go-getter and I know the yearbook is in very capable hands, but I feel terrible letting him and the school down.

Lately, I have stretched myself so thin that I feel I am not giving enough to anything, so I am not feeling anything but stress and lack of achievement. I feel like I'm paralyzed in place and providing mediocre effort on everything. I do not like mediocracy! I, long ago, let go of the idea of perfect; but, I have never let go of the idea of excellence.

I'm tired of feeling that way, so some stuff had to go.

I flaked.

I feel like crap right now, but I think I'll feel better as time goes on.



Cyn M said...

You just PROVED to me and everyone else on this planet that you are NOT a robot!!! ;)
It is OK to flake sometimes. Not ALL times, but SOME time.
You are human and it is O.K.!!! Now, the cool thing for you and what you learn from this is that saying NO is something you HAVE TO DO to keep your SANITY!!!!
Good for you for seeing that you have a limitation! A lot of people do not see that and keep going until all projects are up in the air and they fail miserably! This will allow you to focus on the things that you need to do and not be entirely INSANE!!!! Good for you!!!
Chin up and stop beating yourself up!
Love ya!

Martha said...

I soo relate! Trying to keep so many things going makes me freeze up like a bad transmission! Saying "NO" is a learned thing.

Like your blog! I'm visiting from a link from Andy's blog, The Creative Junkie :) Have a great day!

Anonymous said...

A robot? Someone doesn't know you very well Lee. You are the most passionate person I have met. I really liked this entry and applaud you for moving yourself up in the pecking order of your life. Good for you taking stock and reevaluating your priorities. I should do the same.


MidniteScrapper said...

Good for you, Lee. A flake would've waited until it was too late for anyone else to step in or help and just become "unavailable". You didn't do that. You are, once again, owning your feelings and are dealing with it. It's a good example for all of us, really.

Jayne said...

I am glad you flaked. Ok I said it - it had to be done. You should never commit so much that you don't have time for the things you love and if flaking give you time to be here with us :wink: then I am all for it. Next time just say NO first then you won't have to feel guilty later. Deal?

Donna said...

You didn't flake. Flaking implies irresponsibility and lack of regard for others. You prioritised and did what all of us would like to do .. put yourself higher up your list of things that need taking care of.
Well done and hope the feeling crappy part passes soon!